Pearson Airport – gate awaiting flight, January 3rd, 10:32 AM

I’m about to board a plane to New York. It’s not a big deal, but it’s a reminder of the first time I boarded a plane sans-family. I was 17, which in other words means I was at my most angst-filled. I remember listening to Jack’s Mannequin’s Everything in Transit album and thinking that it just made sense for what was happening to me at that specific point of time less in a lyrical sense, but just in how it felt. And now, boarding another plane nearly 8 years later (8 years, what??), the idea of how things feel are equally important, both in my work and in my life.

I’m listening to Lorde’s Pure Heroine album, and I’ve also just finished reading Tavi’s interview of her — good reason for the high level of introspection and feelings analysis. It leads me to thinking about the idea of discounting one’s work as a teenager as a result of all the feelings…but at the same time, I’m still the same, I still have that. But also, Tavi and Ella pointed to the fact that one’s one work is never exactly what you want it to be; creative satisfaction counteracts the idea of creatively bettering yourself — wanting more is important.

In flight, January 3rd, 11:00 AM

I’m realizing as I fly over Toronto that taking a trip at the beginning of the year is a nice thing because it allows me to literally get away at a good time to figure out my head space. It’s not necessarily about relaxing; really, none of my trips are – I’ve learned early on that I’m simply too restless a person to get the most out of the all-inclusive drink-all-day-by-the-pool trip to Mexico. I like having things to do, and planning out those things to do is just part of the kind of person I am. (“Always the responsible one.”) However, at the same time, working a full-time-ish job for the first time, I’ve really come to take pleasure in the idea of winding down – sleeping in, having the energy to cook a meal for myself. It’s surreal flying over your city, seeing everything as miniature, but still knowing that there are millions of people below you going about their everyday lives. (Sidenote: It’s easy to forget to human flight is an amazing miraculous thing, see Louis C.K.) In the past year and a half, I’m travelled more than I think I have in my entire life.

The introspection that goes along with the beginning of a new year is tiring. I mean, how exhausting is it to revel into the thoughts that you’ve been having all year because this opportunity comes along to really analyze how you’ve been doing? “This is a checkmark. Are you where you want to be? No? What are your faults. Fix them.”

Flight cancellation night one – hotel, January 9th, 12:04 AM

While in some ways I resent the ideas of checkpoints and ~NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS~, I also disagree with all the think pieces and articles that pop up throughout the interwebs proclaiming that resolutions are bullshit. Sure, assessing whether I am where I want to be in life essentially sucks, but I also like landmarks. From an optimistic point of view (who am I again?), I like the idea of landmarks, and of saying “This is how far I’ve come.” So what was 2013? It was a weird year. In a creative/professional sense, this year reminded me how important it is to feel self-fulfilled, not necessarily in the sense that I need to be proud of everything I do, but rather, that settling for less hinders growth.

I’ve learned that while the self-indulgent work I created in my last year of school helped me grow as a person, I can feel a similar sense of satisfaction doing work for other people, and this is something I want to do more regularly. Work should not feel like a job. I can still create for others in a way that satisfies myself, but in some ways, it depends on the perspectives of the people you are creating for. At this point in my life, my sole professional goal is to not be a “design monkey,” but rather create work that matters — that represents an idea, and means something. Maybe this goes back to the idea of design vs. art. Regardless of what it’s called, I want to make things, and I want them to be good things.

What have I learned outside of the whole creative/professional thing? A lot. A little. I’m not sure. Maybe it’s intertwined, but I’m still trying to figure that out.